Using a dating app how to start a conversation tips on creating a great profile and how to ask


Online dating conversation
The digital dating process has different phases, including connecting, chatting and then asking out on a date, says Spira.
Online dating conversation
South China Morning Post
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Relationship experts provide tips and tricks on how to use dating apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble and how to ask someone out on a date on one. Illustration: Brian Wang
Using a dating app? How to start a conversation, tips on creating a great profile and how to ask someone out on a date

  
Looking to ramp up your online dating game? See tips and tricks from experts on how to start a conversation on a dating app, plus additional advice
  
Take note of prompts on apps like Hinge and Bumble and start a conversation based around them, they say. And when making your profile, be as unique as possible

Published: 7:15pm, 29 Oct, 2022
From Tinder to Hinge, there are so many dating apps out there for people to explore potential relationships and romantic partners.
According to the Pew Research Centre, 48 per cent of 18- to 29-year-olds said they have used a dating site or app.
But finding a love connection is not the easiest task, particularly on dating apps . Sometimes, you reach out to a match only to get no response, or what started out as good flirtation quickly went dry.
If you are looking to ramp up your online dating game, here are some tips and tricks from experts on how to start a conversation on a dating app, plus additional advice.
Finding a love connection is not the easiest task, particularly on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. Photo: AFP
How to start a conversation on a dating app
When starting a conversation on a dating app, it is best to think of it as an icebreaker. Julie Spira, online dating expert and founder of Cyber Dating Expert, says users should take note of the prompts on apps, like Hinge and Bumble, when sending out a first message.
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“Anything that allows you to ask questions for someone else reading the profile to answer is a great way to start a conversation and engage with someone,” she says.
On these dating apps, users can fill in prompts, such as “The key to my heart is” or “My simple pleasures”. For these, it is important to showcase your distinct interests and personality traits.
“Look at the Hinge and the Bumble prompts, and be very specific in answering them because that’s where your personality can pop,” says Spira.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber Dating Expert.
Carmelia Ray, celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert, says information on users’ profiles is a great way to spark conversation.
“One of the biggest complaints that I hear from women primarily is that men do not read their profile,” she says. “In terms of a strategy for standing out and for impressing a woman or a man is to actually read the profile – deep in the profile.”
When users take the time to thoroughly read a potential match’s profile, it sets them apart from others who may be asking superficial or short questions.
“It’s more impressive when sometimes that information (you mention in conversation) is not so obvious, maybe it’s in the last paragraph,” says Ray. “Every form, every photo, every text is a piece of valuable real estate on your dating profiles.”
Carmelia Ray is a celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert
Make sure your first message is not too short, generic and broad, says dating coach Hayley Quinn.
“When we say something like, ‘Hi, how are you?’, it will inadvertently come across as lazy,” she says. “Anything that can appear like a cut and paste message will always go down badly.”
Additionally, your first message should not be too long, no more than three sentences, including one question, says Spira. The goal is to turn the dating app correspondence into a text conversation, potentially leading into a date.
Keeping prompts and profiles in mind, be sure to stand out when crafting the first message. If someone has a prompt that says what their favourite movie is and it’s yours as well, you could message “[Insert movie] is my favourite too! What’s your favourite scene?”
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You want to send a message that your match can relate to, says Ray. “You can come in and comment or ask a question or bring some similarity or commonalities to what you read about your love interest,” she explains.
Quinn says the conversation starter should feel balanced between sharing information about yourself and expressing an interest or curiosity about your match.
“This is because people actually want to build trust with you,” she says. “In order to trust you and be excited, [they have] to get to know you better.”
Even when people do not not write much on their profile, use what is on there, even if it is a simple list of hobbies or interests.
Information on users’ profiles is a great way to spark conversation. Photo: Shutterstock
How to make a good dating profile
Always have a variety of photos on your profile, Ray says. The rule of thumb is to include at least a clear face photo without filters and a photo including your torso and upper body. Activity-based photos and candid shots, such as while hiking or reading, are also great to add since it also helps potential matches spark conversation on said activity.
Another key is to have a diversity of photos, says Ray. Do not include photos all having the same expression or background with the only difference being your outfit.
You want to send a message that your match can relate to. Photo: Shutterstock
Be authentically you when it comes to crafting the prompts and information on your profile, says Quinn. Be as unique as possible in how you express your interests.
“It’s better to be more of yourself and distil the essence of who you are more clearly,” she says. “So it doesn’t matter if you put 80 per cent of people off, [then] 20 per cent of people are like, ‘Wow, OK, that’s really interesting’.”
Try to stay away from general terms. Substitute in more specifics. Instead of saying you like music, mention your favourite artist or album. This will help narrow down the people who will best connect with you. Keep your tone positive and natural when making your profile. Stay away from adding dark humour or anything offensive, and avoid negative speech.
Always have a variety of photos on your profile. Photo: Shutterstock
How to ask someone out on a dating app
So, conversation is flowing, and you want to ask your dating app match out on a date. There is a timeline for when you should ask someone out after matching on a dating app, experts say.
You do not want to ask them out on the initial message since the other person may feel like you are just pursuing them for how they look, says Quinn. On the other hand, you do not want to wait too long to ask someone out since things can lose momentum and people can disengage from the app.
Hayley Quinn is a dating coach.
The digital dating process has different phases, including connecting, chatting and then asking out on a date, says Spira.
You want to build a good rapport with your match and move the conversation forward toward going out, says Ray.
“How can you fast track that qualifying process?” she says. “What are the three to five things you want to know or need to know about someone before you go out with them?” From there, you can learn more about your match and get better insight on their personality and character traits.
Take initiative when asking someone out and be collaborative when making plans. Photo: Shutterstock
You also may feel more comfortable chatting with your match over a phone or FaceTime call before going out with them. Ask to talk over the phone for no more than 20 minutes, says Spira. This will help determine whether there is enough chemistry and interest to meet them in person.
Take initiative when asking someone out and be collaborative when making plans, says Quinn. Instead of setting a specific day on your terms, ask your match what their availability is. This invites them to participate in making the plans.
While you can simply ask to go out for dinner or drinks, try to find common ground in your interests for a first date. If someone mentions they like picnics in their profile, maybe that can be the basis for your first date.
Additionally, you recognise you want to be asked out, rather than doing the asking yourself. You can suggest the want to do something. Maybe you mention this weekend is going to be sunny, and you really want to get ice cream. This gives the other person a clear springboard to ask you out on a date.